Fhurt Pownder
Norton Green | Isle of Wight | 21 October 2025
Southern Water is facing criticism and a formal investigation after claims that untreated sewage was illegally discharged into the Norton Pumping Station on the Isle of Wight.
The Environment Agency and Isle of Wight Council are examining reports that raw effluent entered the system earlier this month, prompting concern for marine life, beach users, and, apparently, local mythical residents.
Yesterday morning, three well-known figures of Island folklore, the Yarmouth Mermaid, the Norton Kitsune, and the Totland Bigfoot, gathered on the shingle near Yarmouth to deliver what they called “a joint statement on hygiene and hypocrisy.”
“I was enjoying a quiet swim in what the brochures call the deep blue sea,” the Mermaid told Island News, “when I was suddenly surrounded by what looked like a flotilla of chocolate truffles. I thought it was Easter. It wasn’t.”
The Kitsune, a nine-tailed spirit known locally for her sharp opinions, was equally scathing.
“Humans talk about protecting the environment,” she said, “but what they mean is their environment. They’ll fence off a park to save a shrub, then flush an entire reservoir of filth down the loo. One rule for legs, another for tails.”
From the dunes behind them, the Totland Bigfoot, not usually given to public speaking, added:
“I rang Southern Water to complain, but they hung up when I said I was calling from Totland. They thought it was a prank. I sent a letter instead. Got a leaflet about water-saving shower heads. Very useful when you live outdoors.”
Southern Water confirmed that an incident at Norton Pumping Station is under investigation.
A spokesperson said the company was “working closely with the council to determine the cause and to minimise any environmental impact.”
The mythical delegation remains unconvinced.
“Rainfall will get the blame, as always,” said the Mermaid.
“Indeed,” sighed the Kitsune. “The heavens cry and the sewers follow suit.”
Bigfoot simply folded his massive arms. “Maybe stop paving over paradise,” he muttered.
Environmental groups have described the latest claims as “deeply concerning” and called for stronger monitoring of Island pumping stations. The creatures, meanwhile, plan to hold a further meeting to discuss “the introduction of mandatory tail-washing zones.”
Fact Box – The Real Story
Source: On The Wight, 21 Oct 2025 – “Southern Water under scrutiny after claims of illegal sewage discharge into pumping station.”
Location: Norton Pumping Station, near Yarmouth.
Authorities involved: Isle of Wight Council and Environment Agency.
Public concern: Pollution and public health risks.
Mythical concern: Clean swimming conditions and general dignity.
