Fhurt Pownder
22 October 2025 – Newport, Isle of Wight
Newport’s most flamboyant resident, one dragon, many decibels, has confirmed his appearance at next summer’s Isle of Wight Festival, promising a “display of light, flame and questionable dance moves.”
When asked how it feels to have outlasted every headliner since the thirteenth century, the Newport Dragon gave a sigh that smelt faintly of ozone and roasted marshmallows.
“Ah, the first Isle of Wight Festival, what a knight that was! Trumpets, chariots, troubadours; Hendrix melted faces, though I’d been melting them for centuries. Then the humans took a little break, from roughly the 1500s to 1968, before realising, ‘Oh yes, music is fun again.’”
A Dragon’s Tour Through the Decades
He remembers the 1970s fondly.
“Big hair, big riffs, small trousers. I preferred the heavy metal, very therapeutic. Between sets I’d press wild flowers to cool off the tail. You can’t head-bang forever, you know.”
Asked about the festival’s revival in 2002, he growled approvingly.
“A fine return. I joined the crowd at Seaclose Park, though people kept mistaking my wing-beats for helicopter landings.”
And his verdict on 2026’s confirmed headliners, Lewis Capaldi, Calvin Harris and The Cure?
“Capaldi’s songs make my molten heart run like treacle; Harris will have me pulsing to a four-four inferno; and The Cure, gothic splendour! I once dated their fog machine.”
Lights, Flame & Folklore
Festival organisers say the dragon’s traditional “midnight flare” will form part of the official light show. Residents are reminded to close skylights and keep combustible poetry indoors.
“I’m not just here for spectacle,” he concluded. “I’m here for story. Music is myth you can dance to, and sometimes set fire to.”
The Newport Dragon’s new single, “Ballad of the Smouldering Ukulele,” is rumoured to debut during the closing fireworks, assuming the stage survives his enthusiasm.
Related Record: Newport Dragon - Federation Archive Entry
References & Attributions
Real-World Sources
Isle of Wight Festival 2026 Headliners Revealed – Lewis Capaldi, Calvin Harris and The Cure. The Sun (UK), 21 Oct 2025. https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/36856865/isle-of-wight-festival-2026-headline-acts-lewis-capaldi/
History of the Isle of Wight Festival. Wikipedia (Accessed 22 Oct 2025) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Isle_of_Wight_Festival
OnTheWight News – Isle of Wight Story Festival Announces First 2026 Headline Acts. OnTheWight.com (22 Oct 2025).
Federation of FOLLIES References
Federation of Legendary Lore Investigation and Evidence Specialists (Archive Ref. ND-014-FEST/26). “Notes on Draconic Pyrotechnics and Crowd Control.”
The Newport Chronicles, Vol III (‘A Knight to Remember’), edited by M. O’Scales, 1568.
Proceedings of the Council of Flame Management and Public Safety, Isle of Wight Branch, 2024 (“Guidelines for Safe Dragon Participation in Outdoor Events”).
Island News is a registered publication of the Isle of Wight Follies Press Service. Reproduction without appropriate mythic clearance is strictly encouraged.
