Fhurt Pownder
Following reports that Isle of Wight residents may again be denied the right to vote in local elections, one of the Island’s more volatile observers, the Apse Heath Djinn, has released what he calls a “personal meditation on democracy, bureaucracy, and other delusions of collective will.”
The mortal issue stems from government delays that could postpone the Island’s local elections until 2026, potentially extending current councillors’ terms to seven years. Political analysts warn this risks “undermining public trust,” though the Djinn has a different view entirely.
From his bottle, wedged between a postbox and a discarded vape, the Djinn issued the following statement (or perhaps it was merely overheard muttering to himself):
Democracy, he mused, is mankind’s most exquisite parlour trick. The crowd chooses a card, any card, and the magician spends four years pretending to find it, and then tell the people that their was never a deck of cards. Then the people clap and do it again, every four years or so. Endlessly forgetting that thier choice is about as important to a polician as an iPhone is important to a snake.
The Djinn admits he has “never trusted majority rule,” preferring the older, simpler system of absolute monarchy by flaming fist. However, something about the postponed elections troubles even him.
To rob them of the illusion entirely, he thought, that’s indecent. Like banning theatre because the actors can’t actually fly. Let them believe their cross on the parchment steers the ship, even as it heads cheerfully for the rocks.
Leafing through the Island Echo with smoky fingers (the paper now mostly ash), he read that the council could legally extend its own tenure without a fresh vote.
Splendid! he grinned. At last, communistic efficiency! No campaigns, no canvassing, no babies kissed, just eternal incumbency. Why, it’s almost… demonic.
Yet a sigh escaped him, scented faintly of scorched paperwork.
Still, I shall miss the spectacle: the queuing, the clipboards, the pencils on strings. It’s art, in its way, mass choreography of futility. The humans think they’re choosing destiny when they’re really practising patience.
Asked whether he’d stand for election himself, the Djinn smirked:
“Certainly not. The paperwork alone would fill ten bottles. Besides, I already have infinite power and no accountability, why would I downgrade?”
As dusk fell over Apse Heath, he was last seen hovering above a recycling bin, muttering about forming his own political party, The Wishful Thinkers’ Front, with the campaign slogan:
“Vote Djinn: You Won’t Get What You Want, but You’ll Get It Quickly.”
Council officials declined to comment on the Djinn’s manifesto, citing “fire risk.”
Fact Box: The Real Story
Source: Island Echo, 20 Oct 2025: “Democracy concerns as Islanders could be denied local election vote again.”
Issue: Government may delay the next round of Isle of Wight local elections until 2026.
Impact: Councillors could remain unelected for up to seven years.
Critics say: The delay undermines local accountability.
The Djinn says: “Democracy was always about hope, but it all got a bit carried away with itself, and now, hope is being taken away.”
