Fhurt Pownder
24 October 2025 – Yarmouth, Isle of Wight
The Isle of Wight’s newest ferry, The Kraken, made its inaugural Saturday sailing this morning amid what witnesses described as “a haunting yet oddly hummable melody.”
Officials insist the sound was merely “the wind through the antenna,” though the Yarmouth Mermaid has taken full credit. “I’m delighted,” she said in a statement delivered through a conch shell. “A whole ship full of potential suitors, or snacks, depending on the harmonies. I’ve been practising my sea shanties, just in case the captain succumbs to song.”
The ferry, operated by Quay 2 Quay, will connect Yarmouth and Lymington across what locals describe as “the most perilous 35 minutes of calm water in Britain.” Hundreds of thousands have already crossed without incident, but that, according to the Mermaid, “only increases the odds.”
A Voyage Between Two Realities
The Kraken’s captain, known only as Captain Sensible to protect his identity, reports hearing distant singing on every voyage. “It’s either sirens or Spotify,” he said, “but the crew’s under strict orders not to hum along. Last time we did, the radar started waltzing.”
From his hilltop lookout, the Hamstead Ogre waved enthusiastically at the new ferry. Asked whether he might in fact be a collective hallucination, he paused before replying,
“Define hallucination. If I can see you, and you can see me, then either we’re both mad or we’re both employed.”
Island officials declined to comment on the metaphysical employment status of ogres.
The Kraken by the Numbers
The ferry carries up to 100 passengers, with crossings scheduled between Yarmouth and Lymington every Saturday. Boarding opens 15 minutes before departure, or whenever the sirens stop singing.
Marine safety experts confirmed that mermaid encounters are currently classed as “unverified, low-risk, and melodically pleasant.”
The Federation of Legendary Lore Investigation and Evidence Specialists (F.O.L.L.I.E.S.) has opened a file, Ref. YM-001-MER/KRKN, to monitor reports of supernatural crooning between terminals.
Quote of the Week
When asked if she would continue serenading the ferry, the Yarmouth Mermaid flicked her tail and laughed.
“Of course. Everyone deserves a warm welcome to the island, and a slightly unnerving sense that something beneath them wants to sing.”
References
New Isle of Wight Ferry Adds Saturday Sailings to Timetable, Isle of Wight County Press, 24 Oct 2025. https://www.countypress.co.uk/news/25567649.new-isle-wight-ferry-adds-saturday-sailings-timetable
Federation of Legendary Lore Investigation and Evidence Specialists (F.O.L.L.I.E.S.), Maritime Affairs Division, Archive Ref. YM-001-MER/KRKN — “On the Acoustic Habits of Aquatic Songstresses in Coastal Transport Corridors.”
Ogre Sightings Quarterly, Autumn Edition, Hamstead Ridge Watchers Association, 2025.
The Complete Works of Captain Sensible, Vol. III: Memoirs from a Mildly Bewildered Mariner.
