Fhurt Pownder
There are airshows, and then there are air shows. Yesterday’s “Wings Over Wight” spectacular at Merstone Airfield promised history in the making: two Spitfires, a Hurricane, and, according to the handwritten schedule in biro, a real-life phoenix.
The creature, a local legend known simply as the Merstone Phoenix, had apparently volunteered to join the flypast, claiming it wanted “to give back to the island that’s always given me scrap metal and admiration.” Witnesses say it strutted confidently onto the runway, feathers flickering like a faulty gas hob, before spreading its magnificent wings and declaring:
“This display shall burn brightly in the hearts of all who witness it!”
Moments later, it did exactly that.
The phoenix achieved a takeoff height of approximately three feet before igniting spectacularly, showering the tarmac in sparks, singed optimism, and what one volunteer described as “the smell of victory and regret.” The Spitfires banked heroically overhead, the Hurricane tried not to laugh, and the snowstorm that followed, because of course there was one, put out the flames before the fire crew could find their helmets.
Despite the incident, crowds stayed in high spirits. Partly because no one was hurt, but mostly because the burger van, Patty & the Flames, was charging £14.95 for something that tasted suspiciously like cardboard and lighter fluid. Many claimed it was the best chargrilled experience they’d ever had.
As one spectator summed up while scraping melted phoenix feather off his chips:
“It weren’t much of a flight, but it was the hottest thing Merstone’s seen since ’53.”
